Caught in a rut

I don’t know what to say. I can’t explain myself. If I could change the way that I am, I would. I am trying. If I could stop myself from feeling the way that I feel, why wouldn’t I? But I can’t. Or at least I don’t know how. If it’s not enough, then what more can I do? I’d give everything for this... It’s not even a question of what I’m willing to do, because I’m willing to do whatever it takes. But to take away certain feelings that I never want to have in the first place? Where will I get the power to do that? If I didn’t have this stupid heart then maybe I would never find myself in a rut like this.