Drama Queen

This week has been a rollercoaster ride... I went from raving about my relationship to worrying about whether he similarly considers it special... to being depressed that it could be a mistake after all... to now being quite pacified and looking forward to seeing him again...

I don't deliberately do this to myself. Spending a couple of hours of personal idle time at night sends my mind off contemplating on things. And with this being the most important thing in my life right now, can't really help the thoughts from rushing through my head, both good and bad. There are moments of weakness when I want to just run away for fear of getting hurt. But then, in a split second, I decide I can't bring myself to give this all up when it's what gives my life meaning. How unfortunate to be me, not to be able to shove aside all the negative thoughts that could bring me to my doom. I guess the good part is that I have a patient man who loves me and comforts me in a way that only he can. I just pray that he’ll continue to understand and never give up. Because despite my weaknesses and dramas, I know in my heart that I never will.